Two Readers

I am currently working on the 24th chapter of a story that I'm posting on the Internet.  Each chapter averages around 2,000 words.  I am not close to being finished right now.

I know of two people who probably read every chapter.  Two.  And when I say "probably," I mean only one of them has actually told me that they read every chapter.

They are both very complimentary and consistently tell me, especially after a particularly good chapter, that they look forward to reading more.

Occasionally, after one of those particularly good chapters, I'll get comments from other people.

But the funny thing is, those "other people" consistently comment on chapters in other people's online stories -- which is why I'm not convinced they are actually reading mine.

And I also find that odd because I make a point to listen to these readers and try to deliver what they hope for in an indirect, not obvious, way while remaining true to the characters and the course of the story.  So, in my opinion, they should be able to enjoy it.

It is unpredictable but follows a clear line of thought.

For example, hypothetically, if you just read chapter 22 and then you go back and read chapter 13, you can see that events that were happening in that chapter were already leading up to and foreshadowing events that just happened.  You might even say, "Ohh!" because you just realized what a character really meant when they said something back then.

Maybe I write over people's heads, but I like to assume readers are intelligent, because I hate reading stories or books that are "dumbed down" or explain everything like I won't get it unless it is blatantly obvious.  Those "ohh" moments are what make me enjoy reading -- and it is darn hard to find books that do that for me.

That's part of the reason I write.

At any rate, it is so frustrating to me that I have only two consistent readers.

However, I can't just get fed up and stop writing this story.  There is a lot to look forward to, and I'm enjoying writing it as much as I enjoy reading an "ohh" book.  It is one of those stories that just tells itself, and all I have to do is step back and try to rein it in so it will flow on paper -- or ... a computer screen in this case.

And, in my opinion and educated guess, I think people are just being stubborn about this story because it has a lesbian in it -- well, specifically, a lesbian who is getting to be very close with their favorite straight female character.  Wah wah wah - panic panic!  Give me a freakin' break.  Get over it.

I've been very fair to the audience/readers, I have stayed true to the characters, I have not manipulated the characters or their plot to make them do things they wouldn't normally do, and, I think, I've made things interesting.  I feel like people should be asking, "Oh, well, what does this character have to do with it and what will happen next?"  Instead, I feel like they are asking, "Why should I read that if it has that character I don't like in it?"

And the answer to both questions would show up if they'd just read the story!

Ah, well.  I'm writing this story for ME anyway.  They just get the privilege of having the option to read it.  Lucky them.  I'm so generous.

"Letters To A Young Poet" and Rilke keeps appearing in my life.  It is one of those coincidences that I've spoken of -- a repeating pattern that I have to ask myself about.  "Is this a coincidence ... again?  Or does this mean something?  Is there a hidden message in this pattern?"

This is what Rilke says:

"You are looking outside, and that is what you should most avoid right now. No one can advise or help you - no one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple 'I must,' then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your while life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse. Then come close to Nature. Then, as if no one had ever tried before, try to say what you see and feel and love and lose."

So.  Two readers.  Who cares?  I write because I must.