Why Robin Strasser Has to Write Her Autobiography

I am sorry to say that I am not good at writing letters of support (also known as "fan letters") because I feel like I've had a very bad experience in the past due to this great practice.  It isn't that I don't support the Arts, my favorite actors, or what I consider to be the best shows.  What it is ... is that I do not want to alter anyone's perception of me -- particularly that of people I want to consider to be colleagues that I greatly respect or admire ... rather than people I "look up to" or "idolize."  For the same reason, I am very leery of pursuing my current in-road into becoming a soap blogger or soap media.  It is all about perception, and how I want to be perceived.  If I do actually pen and mail a letter, I often forget to include the ever-important SASE.  I'm just not in the habit, because 8 out of 10 times (and that may be a literal count), I don't require or want a response.

I suppose, by definition, I am a fanatic.  I am a passionate and enthusiastic student of life, myself, behavior, art, varying perspectives, and how to deal with all of that.  Robin Strasser once pointed out that the Latin root of the word "diva" refers to the "divine."  Well, the Latin root of the word "fan" just refers to someone who is "inspired" by the divine.

Still, I abhor the idea of being referred to as a "fan."  Call me inspired, yes.  Call me passionate, yes.  Call me enthusiastic, yes.  Call me a student, yes!

...But do not write me off.  Do not wander away down a hall making a comment that lumps me into a category with thousands of starry-eyed young girls trying to find their way in the world.  Do not call me into a dressing room to say hello and never expect to see me again, let alone work with me.  Do not look at me wistfully, as if glancing into the past, and tell me that I'll understand "someday."

Consider me now.

I am here to learn.

That being said, I can now explain why it is so extremely important to me that this particular actress writes her autobiography, and includes as much brutal honesty about her life in it as possible.

Books written by actors first became very crucial to me when I was studying at Stella Adler Academy and realized there was a huge "generational gap" between Stella Adler and myself.  I was being taught by her students, so in a way she became like my "acting grandmother."  I felt a real sense of detachment from her direct wisdom, but thanks to the insight of Kate Mulgrew, who spoke at the Adler, and reading some notes that were written in Stella's own words, or came directly from her mouth, I was able to begin growing in my understanding of what, exactly, she was trying to teach the acting world.

The next influential book I (tried) to read was Colleen Dewhurst's autobiography.  She spoke a lot about the intricacies of the acting world at large, including summer stock, unions, her journey as an actress, plays and parts, and wisdoms about life she picked up along the way.  I found myself so intrigued that I had to take notes.  After I realized I had checked the book out of the library for several months in a row without completing it (mostly because I wanted to keep it), I was embarrassed and returned the book, promising myself that I'd check it out again later or buy it.

I also read Katharine Hepburn's autobiography, which holds a special place in my heart since I bought it in the gift shop at the theatre where I saw "Tea at Five" in Hartford.  It also shared a lot, in her own words, about the business, how to survive it, and what her own teachers taught her.  Of course, her stories offered some alternate perspectives and techniques to what I had already learned, which taught me in return, and which I'm grateful for.

Currently, I'm attempting to read Ellen Burstyn's autobiography -- another one that I'm struggling through because so much of it seems so profound to me.  In particular, she learned slightly different acting techniques than I did, and much of her struggle in the beginning dealt with learning that it is okay to be imperfect.  That is something I have struggled to teach myself, as well, thanks to her revelation.  I am also enjoying reading about her spiritual journey very much.

I have a list of more autobiographies by actresses (colleagues) I admire that I want to read and learn from in the future.  When Robin Strasser's book is released, it will jump to the top of that list.

Why?  Because I know that she has dealt with a problem that we share and a struggle that few people in our position comprehend.  It has crippled me and my career time and again, but she has dealt with it successfully.  It is an issue that never really seems to go away -- a hindering one -- but a difficulty that one can function with and have a beautiful career and life despite of.  I have not figured it out.  She has, by her own admission, smiled through it at times.  I am grasping and desperate for her understanding -- for her unsolicited or perhaps unintentional encouragement -- on how to keep functioning and moving forward when it feels like the world is trying to swallow you.

In the meantime, to quote Dory from Finding Nemo, I "just keep swimming," and keep learning, and keep trying to figure it out.  I'm having a blast, and I'm excited about the future.  Still, my desire to be more, to do more, and to learn more is never quenched, and I'm very impatient about it all!  Those who know me very well are aware of the underlying reasons for my impatience -- which, simply put, involve a lot of time running out and a lot of missed opportunities that are or were beyond my control.  ...Time running out and missed opportunities with loved ones, teachers, and those I, myself, have influenced.

I just want to learn so much.  I want to understand.  I want to continue to grow, every day.  I want varying perspectives.  I want insight.  I want to, at the end of my life, say that I was the best person I could have possibly been -- no regrets, no missed opportunities, no pauses in the growth process -- despite fears, hinderances, or unavoidable conflicts.

I use a cheat sheet -- I look at the lives of others, see through their eyes, and learn from their lessons.  I have peeked at Robin Strasser's notes, and I want to see more!